I said last night I think holiness means: "to function well".

It helps me to put it in those words.

For now, I'm not jumping ahead to what that looks like -- "functioning well" -- or HOW to get there.

This definition reminds me holiness is something God wants for all His humans.

Story about this artwork later in this journal.

There is a much more common understanding of holiness. It would go something like this:

God is a lifeguard, and if He sees anyone having fun, He blows His whistle and screams, "Hey, YOU, out of the pool!"

These are Bill Cosby's words. I had a collection of RECORDS. I had a series with his comedy routines. They were hilarious.

That idea of holiness is slander against God, and all wrong. Even if ~ it is funny.

I believe He wants wellness, joy, and a full experience of all that is good about being human, for us. To quote something Jesus said,

"I have come that you might have life, and have it to the fullest." or, "have abundant life"...In other words, a HOLY life. Whole.

Thought it might be nice to put more words to what I meant. It helps me if I put things like this in writing. I can keep it in focus better. This is what I use a journal for.

Then, it is a wonderful treat when I hear what you think about the same things I'm thinking about. Even if we disagree. I am honored when someone takes the time to read and try to understand what I am saying.


I'm seriously putting myself on dA rationing. I need to rest.

My work on the little praying girl was absolute torture. I thought I had another week, but I still would have procrastinated. Perhaps the near agony I was in
last night/AM hours
another all-nighter
has finally left a deep enough memory that I will not take it so lightly, to procrastinate.

This was a commission of sorts. They may still use the first stage wip, even though I know I could have made it so much better.

By the time I started to work on her, I was in physical pain already. The pain grew so much worse. I was literally gritting my teeth. Clenched jaw actually. I kept holding my jaw, trying to relax, but it was in response to my pain.

THAT showed up in my art. The little girl began to draw her shoulders in, and her mouth became tight, just like mine was. The background became dark, for technical difficulty reasons. But still...Interesting and sort of an eerie phenomenon.

I'll edit this journal later, after I collect the thumb numbers and show you the sad progression. They are in my scraps, with a few words in some of the artist comments.

I will continue to work with her. I'm not sure she will be included in the project she was intended for.

I will be a bit embarrassed if they use any of them, to tell you the truth.

But, if they want to, I won't object.

I'll just pretend like I don't know who Melanie Rogers is!



I show below a series of the wip stages, or attempts, that I have scanned. I am now curious to keep working with her to see if I can rescue her, when I FEEL BETTER.

I've learned a big lesson.

I must face the reality of my limitations. I can no longer delay until the last minute, and expect to pull it off, like I once could.

I think that was, in part, why I would procrastinate.

Put simply. ~ BECAUSE I COULD.
[manage to procrastinate and still meet deadlines with passable work]

I tried different zoom shots and a variety of little tweaks attempting to get what I wanted from this painting. I haven't reached it yet. At least the painting has value for what it taught me.

Maybe a decent painting will emerge eventually.

I thought it might be interesting to view them all lined up beside each other. Maybe you will recognize the adjustments I was trying to make, from one to another. Some big, some little.

Maybe things you have tried? OR, maybe you have suggestions for me. I am going to work on the hair, and many other things still.

I write about each tweak shown here, in the artists comments:

The differences in each are explained in the artist comments. I didn't get very far with fixing her. ~ YET.

I'm going down with my painting, or is it ship?